The image on the left is a photograph which reflects my current mood. I've no idea why people think I resemble Liam Gallagher at the minute. It's certainly not intentional. Anyway (cough) please read on:Spend Spend Spend
I have to be honest. I'm starting to fucking hate Christmas. I really wish it could be perhaps banned. Is it just me? Seeing people in this country pressurized into spending untold amounts of money on colossal amounts of needless rubbish sickens me. A society such as mine here in Britain is in the grip of one of the most powerful cultures of all time: consumerism. I know consumerism can be traced back, in some form, to the beginning of human civilisation, but there's something about consumerism today which is disturbing. People are conditioned to spend money on material goods far beyond their basic needs. People are pressurised in the most psychological way through mass advertising. The only way to avoid this is by not watching any independent television networks, not listening to commercial radio stations, refraining from reading any newspapers whatsoever, and staying indoors completely, unless you live in the depths of the countryside. Is this a case of bah humbug? I'm not sure. How on earth did we get to this space anyway? Celebrating the birth of the baby Jesus by telling small children that a large man comes down the chimney and leaves presents?
Santa
As a child my mum and dad, bless them, always told me never to talk to strangers. Then every year, around the beginning of December, they'd shove me towards a big fat man in a red suit with a false white beard, whom I'd never met before, and expect me to trust him. It has been at least twenty-five years since I sat on Santa's lap. I remember vividly the moment I discovered he didn't exist. I felt like a bit of a twat. Like I'd been lied to. Which was true. I felt like I was the last person in the world to know. I was twenty-one years old.
The Queen
This year, after Christmas dinner, we watched the annual Christmas Day speech given by the Queen. She only speaks to the country once a year and you can tell she's reading off an autocue. If you look close enough you can see her eyes bobbing from side to side. And while she was speaking I couldn't help but notice something I don't think I noticed before. Her breasts were enormous. Now the topic of the breasts of Her Majesty is something I hope I'll only have to discuss this one time. I didn't convey this observation to the rest of my family at the time - it ain't cool to own up to looking at the Queens tits, even if it's in a non-sexual way, and I swear it was. In a non-sexual way. I promise. Then today, to my great relief, I was scanning a newspaper (a down-market red-top which shall remain nameless) when my eyes fell upon a large still photograph from the Queens Speech, accompanied by the headline: Queen Boob-Job Riddle. Relief at the thought that mine were not the only eyes which fell down to Her Majesty's Brussels at 3pm on a Christmas Day afternoon.
For One Night Only
New Year is almost upon us and I can't stand that either. Overcrowded pubs and bars, everybody desperately attempting to have a good time, people vomiting in the street, cabs charging three times the normal rate. I have vowed to sleep right through it. Then we must prepare for the National Comedown. That's when the weather gets really shitty, dropping by several degrees, the daylight hours getting shorter, people becoming increasingly short-tempered and/or depressed. Most people are all spent up due to the Christmas period, so going out isn't even an option.
Love Love Love
The Beatles have a new album out which has reached number one all over the world. Love is a testament to their timeless brilliance and to the genius of George Martin. They make me really proud to be British.
To Quote Bill Hicks (and how we miss him):
"It's just a ride and we can
change it any time we want.
It's only a choice.
No effort, no work, no job, no savings and money,
a choice, right now, between fear and love.
The eyes of fear want you to
put bigger locks on your door, buy guns,
close yourself off.
The eyes of love instead see all of us as one"
